Your Relationship with Your Man's Mistress

It's quite the senseless act for women get preoccupied with the woman their man has cheated with.  Women make all kinds of bullshit comparisons and assumptions regarding mistresses. Thus, so much so that now, you haphazardly have a relationship with the mistress.


1. Downward comparisons.
You always hear women compare themselves to Her with silly statements: "He could have at least cheated with someone who...," -fill in the blank here with whatever you think the mistress is not: prettier, smarter, has more money, is the total package, has goals etc.. Then the dissing commences, of how the mistress is the worst of the worst. These are essentially downward social comparisons that amount to nothing. If this were many other situations, this would be clear. Take crackheads for example: you wouldn't compare your lifestyle, choices, or behaviors to that of  a crackhead. So why now compare yourself to some whom you feel has no morals, is ugly, fat, a loser etc.?  Dissing her isn't going to undo the situation. It isn't bring your man back if he's gone, nor does it raise your status in any way because now you have become the victim of crimes against love. I always tell friends unless the mistress is stalking you, your beef is with your guy.

2.
Make no assumption of sisterhood:
The fact that she is another female, mother, or wife does not some how obligate the mistress to a realm or society of honesty.  Perhaps this idea comes from the notion that through evolution, women are caretakers, more observant of the human condition, of others and subsequently more empathetic regarding emotions, especially pain. (I'm not sure what the logic is, but that was my stab in the dark at it) Unless the other women is a (real) friend or relative, she has no duties/loyalties to you. This is naivete, if not delusion. Frankly, this erroneous notion often ends up being one more thing to get worked up over and another reason you hate her. This assertion, or wish  is played out with statements: "She knew he was married,"  "we were together," "she knows we have children." To this I say SO THE FUCK WHAT, SO DID HE.

3.Is he retarded or are you making yourself feel better by providing an excuse?
When all of these assumptions of sisterhood and what the other woman did or did not know arise, they deflect from the issues of the relationship. This preoccupation with her relieves him of any responsibility for his actions and subtracts from the accountability for what each party brings to the relationship. At worst, this perspective relegates him to the position of a retarded person or of a child; essentially someone with no or limited control and understanding of their actions and the ramification of them. This diminishes his capacity for effectiveness and presence.  On some level, this alleviation of presence also provides an excuse for him, so that you may more quickly overlook the sexual indiscretion by placing all of the blame on the mistress.

4. Not everyone wants him.
While enduring the flames of heart ache and anger, some women step their competitive spirit up unnecessarily. The next bullshit assumption is that the other woman actually wants and has plans to keep your man. The mistress is accused in an attempted diss, of taking sloppy 2nds. This chase of sloppy 2nds simply isn't true in a lot of circumstances. Often the mistress is simply looking for a good time like everyone else; unfortunately your guy was the one to give it. Not every woman looks for a lasting relationship from their romp in the hay or shopping trip guy. Most time, he pursues and woos her first. In some cases the mistress is lied to early on with promises of love forever. She is basically in a similar situation as the wife/girlfriend (albeit a shorter version) of being betrayed as well. By the way, unless you are still with the person you lost your virginity with, everyone is someones sloppy 2nds.

The moral of the story is, beef with the correct person, i.e. the person whom is in the relationship with when thing go wrong. Reoccurring blame and conflict with  your man's mistress gives her so much more power than is warranted. It makes her more of responsible party in the relationship than the people actually in it. Spending too much time calling her names and wishing her harm only highlights your priorities and self esteem issues at hand. Each prolonged diss inherently asking the questions: why her, what's wrong with me? It's almost as if the other woman has become your guilty pleasure along the way given the level of mindfulness and authority she has been given. Tread lightly with Her before she damn near becomes your girlfriend too:)